[There's no greeting when Athlestan picks up. Just a question.]
Where are you?
[He's not entirely sure why he's calling Athlestan. Maybe because the priest is from his world, knows Ragnar, and thus knows exactly why Ivar will be so upset. His voice sounds somewhere between furious and like Ivar is trying to hold back tears.]
[ Athelstan had been at the house and had come downstairs to a mess of broken chairs, knives in the wall and a bloody Ragnar. But by the time he gets the phone call, Ragnar is gone and Athelstan is trying to clean up the mess. He'll still need to make dinner for Gyda at the very least. All he wants to do is get nice and drunk.
The thoughts of dinner and drinking are forgotten when the phone rings and it's Ivar on the line when he picks up.
He starts to answer honestly but then he for reasons he's not sure he can quantify yet fibs slightly. ]
In my art room. [ Which is one of the small buildings behind the house not too far away. ]
[Ivar is about as far from alright as it is possible to get. He's hurting in a way he never has before. But then, he's never been this angry with his father before.]
Can I meet you there?
[He'd gotten a fair distance away from the house, which was good, since he had a grand idea of torching the whole building, but he'd go back if that's where the priest was.]
[ Athelstan's already moving in the direction to get to the building. There's a strange feeling in that Ivar would choose to call him when he's troubled but then again he perhaps understands Ragnar better than anyone else. ]
[ The small room that houses all the art supplies he's started to collect -- mostly simple in nature and closer to what he's accustomed to even though he sometimes looks at the newer materials in stores with curiosity he's never made the decision to indulge. He doesn't really know if he could use them properly.
In addition to the art supplies there's books, a lot of them religious in nature but against his better judgement there's some secular novels as well. ]
Yes he is. [ Athelstan agrees and he's currently of no mind to offer much of a defense to Ivar for Ragnar. With Ivar, there's an uncertainty of how best to approach him at times. It had taken Athelstan no time at all to learn how to comfort Gyda but even though Bjorn was younger than Ivar, he had been very tricky at first too. He decides that it is best to let Ivar make clear what he wants.
For now, he thinks he wants someone to understand and that is certainly a comfort that Athelstan can offer being that Ragnar is indeed a giant fucking idiot. ]
[The worst of Ivar's rage was spent upon Ragnar, so he's a touch calmer now, if not still full of anger. He needs something to do with his hands while he talks, so he pulls out one of the knives that he hadn't thrown, toying around with it between his fingers while he spoke. His voice was brimming with fury.]
Dodger told me --and whoever else was listening in on the network-- that the two of them are fucking. So I go over there, and he just stands there, smirking, like it's all a fucking joke, telling me to mind my own business. Like what he does has no effect on the people around him. He's always been a selfish fuck, but this takes it somewhere else.
[Ivar looks down, gripping the knife in his hand so tightly that his knuckles go white. There's hot, angry tears that are threatening to spill over from his eyes.]
I told him I hated him.
[That had seemed to be the only thing that had really gotten through Ragnar's thick skull.]
[ Athelstan years ago would have been made nervous by Ivar's choice to toy with a knife. Now, he pays it no mind and keeps his gaze on the young man's face. He can tell that underneath all that anger is pain, pain is probably always been the fuel of Ivar's rage he thinks and the boy clearly had had no shortage of it. ]
Sometimes it is the ones we love the most and that we want to be loved by that we hate the most. He is often selfish and foolish. He has never been good at letting himself acknowledge when he causes pain.
[ There's a moment of hesitation and Athelstan moves to rest a hand on Ivar's shoulder, ready to pull it away if it seems to incense him more. He isn't afraid of Ivar, maybe he should be. ]
May I ask why it angered you so much, this information about Dodger and Ragnar? You don't have to tell me.
He never admits when he's wrong about something. It took sixteen years for him to realize he was wrong about me.
[He doesn't have to clarify what he means by that. Athlestan well knew what happened to Norse children who were born with physical disabilities. He was only alive because of Ragnar's foolish sentiment towards his children.
A shudder runs through Ivar's shoulders when Athlestan touches him, but he doesn't pull away.]
It's...complicated. I've known Dodger almost a year now and things between us can't just be put into simple terms. I've tried to kill him and...other things. [He doesn't elaborate that he once threatened to rape the man after castrating him because Ivar had just been that pissed off by him.] But I can tell you he's no good for anyone. He doesn't care about anyone in this entire city and will pull anyone down into his destructiveness.
[ Athelstan hesitates at the shudder but he doesn't immediately pull his hand away but as the other starts to talk he does, his brows furrowed. ]
So you're angry because you care and you're hurting because Ragnar is... a stubborn idiot. Ragnar is often attracted to his own self-sabotage. [ Athelstan gives him a small smile. At least this is how it appears to him. ]
I do not care for Dodger either but I didn't know... [ He trails off, not really wanting to finish the sentence out loud for any number of reasons. ]
[He'd been the witness to his father orchestrating his own death because he'd become so broken down and tired of life. It didn't get much more self-sabotage than that. Just remembering that was enough to get the tears to spill over. He swipes fiercely at them with one hand, trying to get them under control.
He turns his head and looks up sharply at Athlestan when he trails off. He doesn't have a lot of patience right now and is in no mood for guessing games.]
I would normally advise against dealing with someone in the way you must be meaning but do as you will. [ Athelstan for once isn't entirely passive with his aggression.
But as the other shudders he wants to comfort him and it's a struggle to really know how. It's not like with a child where you can pull them in easily for a hug. Ivar would probably sooner stab him than be hugged anyway.
Instead, Athelstan kneels in front of Ivar. ]
Ivar...I cannot fully explain why your father is the way he is. He's careless with those who love him and stubborn and endlessly prideful. One thing, I can promise you is that he cares for no one more than he cares for his children and you are one of his very beloved children.
[ He sighs and he feels as if there is nothing that he can say or do to help and it bothers him. ]
Even if you never see it, he knows when he is wrong and he feels guilt as much as he loathes it. He loves you Ivar.
[Huh. Here Ivar had thought the priest liked everyone. Guess Dodger must have been his charming self around him as well. Some part of his mind takes note, but most of it is too preoccupied with feeling miserable and sad to notice much else.
He listens to Athlestan, still crying. The priest has known his father...well, Ivar is not entirely sure how long, but it's far longer than Ivar has had a relationship with him, so he knows Athlestan knows what he's talking about. He sighs before finally replying.]
I know. I know he loves me. He's an easy person to love too. And hate.
[Just because he felt one didn't mean he couldn't feel the other for his father at the exact same time.]
I understand that. [ Athelstan smiles and while he's never managed to hate Ragnar, he's understood it. He's watched other's have this same struggle. Lagertha, namely comes to mind.
He hesitates and then reaches to touch Ivar's arm, a gentle squeeze and he's just as quickly letting go. ]
You remind me of him sometimes but I think in many ways you might be stronger than him. He can learn from you.
[He takes off his vest. The rest of his clothes are close enough to his body that they can be easily morphed. He concentrates the feeling of turning into another form. The changes always come randomly and are never precisely the same. The fur comes first, sprouting all over, and then the ears sprout from the top of his head while his human ones seem to melt into the sides of his skull. There's snapping sounds as muscles and tendons shift around inside, some growing longer, and other shorter. The tail appears, a naked appendage before it finally gets covered by fur as well. The face seems to be the last thing to change, muzzle pushing it farther and farther out, while the eyes change shape a little bit.
Then there is a fluffy husky dog sitting in a wheelchair there. He hops down from it and lays down on the floor. Somehow, even as a dog, he still manages to look mopey and sad. Not even the dog's natural optimism is enough to take away all of his sadness and anger, though it does help keep the worst at bay.]
< I'm just going to lie here for the next hour and fifty minutes. >
[ Athelstan is quiet, standing up again and he's not really sure what to expect from this. It's his nature to be curious and he can't help but keep looking over at Ivar as he transforms. The site is surreal and Athelstan can hardly believe what he's seeing. He wonders if it hurts but if it does it must not be too much or not so much that the pain isn't worth it.
He smiles when Ivar in the dog form lays on the floor. It's a bit of a sad smile. He sits down on the floor beside him. His hand rubbing his head and then setting to petting. ]
You are welcome to anytime, you know that? [ Petting Ivar is calming to Athelstan as well. There's turmoil in his own mind concerning the new information, things he can't really share with Ivar or anyone. He doesn't particularly have anyone here that he could talk to about such things. If King Ecbert were...he thinks that he would understand, perhaps. Other than that, there had always been only Ragnar for so long to confide in. ]
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Phone call
Date: 2018-01-17 03:01 am (UTC)Where are you?
[He's not entirely sure why he's calling Athlestan. Maybe because the priest is from his world, knows Ragnar, and thus knows exactly why Ivar will be so upset. His voice sounds somewhere between furious and like Ivar is trying to hold back tears.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 03:19 am (UTC)The thoughts of dinner and drinking are forgotten when the phone rings and it's Ivar on the line when he picks up.
He starts to answer honestly but then he for reasons he's not sure he can quantify yet fibs slightly. ]
In my art room. [ Which is one of the small buildings behind the house not too far away. ]
Are you alright?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 03:34 am (UTC)[Ivar is about as far from alright as it is possible to get. He's hurting in a way he never has before. But then, he's never been this angry with his father before.]
Can I meet you there?
[He'd gotten a fair distance away from the house, which was good, since he had a grand idea of torching the whole building, but he'd go back if that's where the priest was.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 03:36 am (UTC)Yes, of course.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 05:28 am (UTC)My father is an fucking idiot.
[It's not really a question of if Ragnar did something stupid, but just what that something is.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 06:54 am (UTC)In addition to the art supplies there's books, a lot of them religious in nature but against his better judgement there's some secular novels as well. ]
Yes he is. [ Athelstan agrees and he's currently of no mind to offer much of a defense to Ivar for Ragnar. With Ivar, there's an uncertainty of how best to approach him at times. It had taken Athelstan no time at all to learn how to comfort Gyda but even though Bjorn was younger than Ivar, he had been very tricky at first too. He decides that it is best to let Ivar make clear what he wants.
For now, he thinks he wants someone to understand and that is certainly a comfort that Athelstan can offer being that Ragnar is indeed a giant fucking idiot. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 07:09 am (UTC)Dodger told me --and whoever else was listening in on the network-- that the two of them are fucking. So I go over there, and he just stands there, smirking, like it's all a fucking joke, telling me to mind my own business. Like what he does has no effect on the people around him. He's always been a selfish fuck, but this takes it somewhere else.
[Ivar looks down, gripping the knife in his hand so tightly that his knuckles go white. There's hot, angry tears that are threatening to spill over from his eyes.]
I told him I hated him.
[That had seemed to be the only thing that had really gotten through Ragnar's thick skull.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 07:16 am (UTC)Sometimes it is the ones we love the most and that we want to be loved by that we hate the most. He is often selfish and foolish. He has never been good at letting himself acknowledge when he causes pain.
[ There's a moment of hesitation and Athelstan moves to rest a hand on Ivar's shoulder, ready to pull it away if it seems to incense him more. He isn't afraid of Ivar, maybe he should be. ]
May I ask why it angered you so much, this information about Dodger and Ragnar? You don't have to tell me.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 07:28 am (UTC)[He doesn't have to clarify what he means by that. Athlestan well knew what happened to Norse children who were born with physical disabilities. He was only alive because of Ragnar's foolish sentiment towards his children.
A shudder runs through Ivar's shoulders when Athlestan touches him, but he doesn't pull away.]
It's...complicated. I've known Dodger almost a year now and things between us can't just be put into simple terms. I've tried to kill him and...other things. [He doesn't elaborate that he once threatened to rape the man after castrating him because Ivar had just been that pissed off by him.] But I can tell you he's no good for anyone. He doesn't care about anyone in this entire city and will pull anyone down into his destructiveness.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 07:44 am (UTC)So you're angry because you care and you're hurting because Ragnar is... a stubborn idiot. Ragnar is often attracted to his own self-sabotage. [ Athelstan gives him a small smile. At least this is how it appears to him. ]
I do not care for Dodger either but I didn't know... [ He trails off, not really wanting to finish the sentence out loud for any number of reasons. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 08:02 am (UTC)[He'd been the witness to his father orchestrating his own death because he'd become so broken down and tired of life. It didn't get much more self-sabotage than that. Just remembering that was enough to get the tears to spill over. He swipes fiercely at them with one hand, trying to get them under control.
He turns his head and looks up sharply at Athlestan when he trails off. He doesn't have a lot of patience right now and is in no mood for guessing games.]
Didn't know what?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 08:06 am (UTC)About Ragnar and him. I didn't know about that.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 08:16 am (UTC)[Athlestan can probably guess what Ivar means by that. Dodger's going to look like a fish after it's been skinned by the time Ivar is done with him.
He takes a deep, shuddering breath, but it does nothing to stop the tears coming now.]
Why does he have to be like this? Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't care about me at all.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 08:32 am (UTC)But as the other shudders he wants to comfort him and it's a struggle to really know how. It's not like with a child where you can pull them in easily for a hug. Ivar would probably sooner stab him than be hugged anyway.
Instead, Athelstan kneels in front of Ivar. ]
Ivar...I cannot fully explain why your father is the way he is. He's careless with those who love him and stubborn and endlessly prideful. One thing, I can promise you is that he cares for no one more than he cares for his children and you are one of his very beloved children.
[ He sighs and he feels as if there is nothing that he can say or do to help and it bothers him. ]
Even if you never see it, he knows when he is wrong and he feels guilt as much as he loathes it. He loves you Ivar.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 09:31 am (UTC)He listens to Athlestan, still crying. The priest has known his father...well, Ivar is not entirely sure how long, but it's far longer than Ivar has had a relationship with him, so he knows Athlestan knows what he's talking about. He sighs before finally replying.]
I know. I know he loves me. He's an easy person to love too. And hate.
[Just because he felt one didn't mean he couldn't feel the other for his father at the exact same time.]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 09:51 am (UTC)He hesitates and then reaches to touch Ivar's arm, a gentle squeeze and he's just as quickly letting go. ]
You remind me of him sometimes but I think in many ways you might be stronger than him. He can learn from you.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 10:22 am (UTC)He told me something similar once. I've never forgotten it.
[It was what had given Ivar the drive to know he could achieve whatever he wanted to, that have to be "just a cripple" like everyone else thought.]
Do you mind if I turn into a dog?
[That question would have seemed very strange out of context.]
I need an escape right now and dogs are always so happy.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-17 10:26 am (UTC)Only if you'll let me pet you.
[ Which would be just as strange out of context. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-18 07:47 am (UTC)[He takes off his vest. The rest of his clothes are close enough to his body that they can be easily morphed. He concentrates the feeling of turning into another form. The changes always come randomly and are never precisely the same. The fur comes first, sprouting all over, and then the ears sprout from the top of his head while his human ones seem to melt into the sides of his skull. There's snapping sounds as muscles and tendons shift around inside, some growing longer, and other shorter. The tail appears, a naked appendage before it finally gets covered by fur as well. The face seems to be the last thing to change, muzzle pushing it farther and farther out, while the eyes change shape a little bit.
Then there is a fluffy husky dog sitting in a wheelchair there. He hops down from it and lays down on the floor. Somehow, even as a dog, he still manages to look mopey and sad. Not even the dog's natural optimism is enough to take away all of his sadness and anger, though it does help keep the worst at bay.]
< I'm just going to lie here for the next hour and fifty minutes. >
(no subject)
Date: 2018-01-18 11:11 pm (UTC)He smiles when Ivar in the dog form lays on the floor. It's a bit of a sad smile. He sits down on the floor beside him. His hand rubbing his head and then setting to petting. ]
You are welcome to anytime, you know that? [ Petting Ivar is calming to Athelstan as well. There's turmoil in his own mind concerning the new information, things he can't really share with Ivar or anyone. He doesn't particularly have anyone here that he could talk to about such things. If King Ecbert were...he thinks that he would understand, perhaps. Other than that, there had always been only Ragnar for so long to confide in. ]